A Cherry Poppin' Good Time – OSKAR BLUES – LONGMONT, CO

18 Jun

So we finally did it. We, at the same time, and the same place, and with the same amount of alcohol in our systems lost our brewery tour virginity. I can honestly say I’ll never be the same and I wouldn’t have wanted to lose it to any other brewery. Oskar Blue’s originally started in Lyons, CO now with most of its brewery operations in Longmont, CO was an awesome first experience – well as good as a first time really can be.

This is the restaurant, not the brewery

When resident Denver blogger Jonathan Shikes (@ColoBeerMan) recommended as his top pick for brewery tours the home of Colorado famous Dale’s Pale Ale we knew just where to kick-off our summer of brewery tours.

After a slight mix up with the Oskar Blue’s Restaurant (also located in Longmont) and the brewing facility itself we got the full experience and haven’t looked back since. The trek (probably only about 8 miles) took our entire afternoon, resulting in lots of getting to know you time with the Droid GPS, a small tangent to Niwot to visit a psychic festival, and lots of highly alcoholic beer which ultimately was the cause of us visiting only one breweries rather than two like we had originally planned.

Woooo! Psychics! This was the shadiest, tiniest festival ever.

The food at the restaurant was fantastic. It’s supposed to be Cajun. Since I have no idea what authentic Cajun food tastes like, I don’t know if it was any good but I can tell you it was good as far as food goes.

Geography lesson the day: Never trust signs in Longmont. Especially signs that supposedly lead you to a psychic fair. Our best guess is they all pointed different directions to try to wean people out that didn’t actually have psychic abilities from attending the fair. After getting duped into a $10 tarot card reading which cost $15 and 17 minutes of precious beer drinking time, Julia was enlightened to that fact that life isn’t perfect.

*(Apparently, I need to find a mentor in my field so that I can learn. He also told me that long distance relationships are hard. –Julia)  

She also received homemade healing oil as a “free” bonus which has magical healing powers that have yet to be seen.

*(The psychic also friended me on Facebook. I chose not to accept, seeing as his advice was so useless. –Julia)

The tour itself was pretty breathtaking traumatizing. That could be because we finished all the beer before the tour not knowing that it was customary to enjoy the varieties of beer during the tour or the fact that like I said, it was our first time 😉

For such a relatively new brewery starting in a grassroots kind of way in little Lyons, CO they really have the makings for a lot of beer there.

During the tour we managed to make several new friends. And by friends I mean we accidently insulted a group of insecure boys that were on the tour. They were all standing in a row based on height, which I said was cute. Somehow, this turned into the shortest one following me around harassing me about my comment. Then, he began making disparaging comments I didn’t even say.

“Are you calling me an oompa loompa? You’re shorter than I am. That means you’re short too.” he said.

Our new boyfriends

Luckily, one of Julia’s hobbies is being a bitch. Apparently saying, “Awww, little guy! No one called you an oompa loompa,” deflates a man’s ego and is a surefire way to get them to avoid you.

(*Since there was no opportunity for him to buy me a drink, I didn’t feel it necessary to be nice. –Julia)

It’s also important to note that they don’t have any bottled beer. All their beers come in cans, we were told by from our Oskar Blue’s long-timer tour guide (she had a pretty decent beer gut, surprise surprise, and an ex-husband who also worked at the brewery). Canning beer is better because it doesn’t let in light and preserves the flavor. Too bad the thousands of other breweries across the world don’t have is wisdom or who knows what kind of amazing, non –sunlight tainted beers we’d have.


At the close of the tour we were offered free jewelry in the form of a beer can with a set of beads run through it that you can wear around your neck. These are the same ones you can find at the Great American Beer festival that help you pick out who the truly classy people are.

The tour guide rolled her eyes at the popularity of these necklaces, because they’re a huge hit at festivals, while Julia’s eyes lit up.

*(They were all gone at the last GABF when I got there, so I made out with a guy for the sole purpose of stealing his necklace. –Julia)

To be honest and as a disclaimer for our first attempt at beer descriptions, we ultimately failed at describing the beers from this brewery in any detail that would be helpful at all.  Apologies in advance.  This is what happens your first time. You don’t really know what’s going on, you don’t know what you’re doing, and you realize afterwards what you could’ve done better. We considered having a do-over, but really, who wants to relive their first time?

I'm glad we got to lose our virginity with this moustache.

The sampler cost us a whopping 7 dollars, and was almost worth the $3.50 each.

This was our artsy, overhead picture

Mama’s Little Yella Pils – Tastes like Coors, but with a little more of a kick. It’s really nothing special. When a brewery that was started with the foundation beer with a name so manly and Aley (Ale + “Y”; not what you find digging in a dumpster for left over fish) as “Dale’s Pale Ale” tries to jump to the lager market let’s just say; they fail.

1 Boob


Dale’s Pale Ale – This is the staple beer of Oskar Blues and rightfully so. If we were men and were really into this kind of beer (and also not driving) we would have each gotten a pint more of this.

3 Boobs

Gordon Beer – It tasted like weed. Really and truly, stoner or not, this is weed beer.  And by the ratings below, it’s pretty easy to tell who the true Boulderite is of the two of us.

Julia – 1 Boob

Lisa- 4 Boobs!


Gubna IPA – Tasted like an armpit. If we could give half boobs, we would. We can’t really discern why this was so unappealing to both of our pallet’s but it really was. The gag reflex not usually associated with drinking beer played a big role when we took a drink of this.

Julia: “We’ll call this, Dale’s Stale Ale”

1 Boob


Old Chub – Very Smoky flavored. At first neither of us really jumped on the Chub bandwagon and chugged the whole thing, but after a while we both really decided this was delicious and soon wanted more.

3 Boobs

Tenfidy – Really, really strong, but a good aftertaste.

When I first put it in my mouth I thought, ooooh, I might throw up.”

2 boobs

Whiskey Barrel aged selection– This essentially tastes like someone gave me a shot of whiskey, then poured a tiny bit of beer into it. Thankfully this seemed like something they made behind the bar with the “pour mat” and isn’t actually a staple beer( if you can call it that) that is always available.

Lisa- “It makes me want to die.”

1 Boob (only because that’s our lowest possible rating)

And so ends our first time. It was very special, and something I’ll never forget.


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