Tag Archives: beer

I have a Disney shirt. I wear it when I don’t want to get laid. (TWISTED PINE, Boulder, CO)

10 Aug
Going to CU for 4 years meant that we have become familiar with several of the small liquor stores in Boulder, and even if they didn’t carry a lot of craft beers, we would always notice the Twisted Pine as we passed it over for our 30 rack of Keystone Light. So, on a weekday night, we decided to take a trip up to Boulder to go to the Twisted Pine Brewery.

The taps are really cool- they're all made from Twisted Pine

We ended up getting there about an hour before closing, and besides the hillbilly party happening on the front patio, the place was deserted. After apologizing to the bartender for coming in so late and promising to be gone before it closed, we awkwardly took a seat at the table and ordered one of the larger samplers we’ve seen at a brewery.

AMAZING

What’s nice about the taproom is that not only are there generally specials going on most nights, but they also have a food menu. Sadly, there was no specials nor food the evening we were there (because it was so late). Dan looked like he was about to murder me and Lisa when our waitress informed us of the food situation, since the only reason he went was because we promised him a meal.
Instead, he had to settle for chips and salsa, which he ate as though his life depended on it.

Although, he's so skinny his life actually MAY have depended on it.

It was around this time what we realized he was wearing a Disneyland  t-shirt.

The most magical place on Earth!

This led to a LONG discussion about Disney, if it’s fun to go as an adult (its not due to the fact that there would be children EVERYWHERE), and Lisa asking why anyone over the age of 5 would wear a Disney shirt.
“I have a Disney shirt. But I wear it when I’m not planning on getting laid,” I said. And then it got awkward AGAIN. (And it’s true. The shirt is a pink tank top with really thick shoulders and I look like a linebacker lesbian when I wear it).
(If you’ve already used the “I have a headache” card this week try putting on a shirt that reminds a man of children and you’re off the hook for sex. –Lisa)
After consoling Dan that he wasn’t going to get laid that night by anyone (which almost turned out not to be true), we encouraged Lisa to continue drinking. It was taking so long to finish the samples that I started to get bored.

I hope there’s a coupon for a Disneyland vacation in here! 
Since I couldn’t drink very much because I was driving, and Dan refused to touch the samplers after we drank from them because we have cooties, it fell on Lisa’s shoulders to take one for the team and finish the beers. We challenged her to finish them before closing (which was about 9 minutes away).
15 beers. 9 minutes. Very doable. I’ll never turn down a beer drinking challenge even if vomiting is imminent. – Lisa

This was true dedication

She almost made it, and finished a minute after 9.

We attempted to get a picture of the hillbilly party, but instead ended up with what would make a fantastic engagement picture

Then we left to go get real food, and were sexually harassed while waiting at a light by a car filled with unattractive people. The girl in the front who resembled a well-groomed horse kept hooting at Dan, the one in the back kept making crying noises like a baby and we all looked horrified, especially when the one male in their car suggested that we do a lady swap.
One gentleman and 3 unattractive ladies ≠ one gentleman and 2 attractive ladies.
NO swap was made despite their repeated efforts.
As soon as the light turned green, we sped off, only to be stuck at the following light next to them again. To this day, if anyone mentions Twisted Pine the response is, “Oh yeah! That was the night that Julia was a shitty driver and we almost got molested. 3 times.”
If ever a justification to run a red light with cameras, this was it. -Lisa
Now, for the beers.

Boob Ratings

Blonde Ale – Crisp, light taste

Lisa – 3 boobs
Julia – 4 boobs

RM Wheat – Tastes the same as the blonde but with a little more bite in aftertaste which overall doen’t make it a very good beer

Lisa – 2 boobs
Julia – 3 boobs

Raspberry Wheat – This ACTUALLY tastes like the fruit it says it does ( take note Fort Collins Brewery Pomegranate Wheat beer).  This beer is pretty good for a fruit beer as long as you don’t have anything to compare it to. (Which, unfortunately we did because we’d been drinking Sea Dog Raspberry Wheat by the pool the previous weekend)

Julia and Lisa – 3 Boobs

American Amber – For an amber, this started off pretty good. It didn’t have that bitter, copper taste that ambers are known for. But it was a gyspy trick.

“I don’t hate it…. Oh wait. There’s the aftertaste”

Lisa – 4 boobs

Julia – 3 boobs

Hoppy Boy – This is the regular IPA of the brewery which would be ok had they not had their Hoppy Man Imperial IPA that was twice the beer that this one was. We’ll choose a man over a boy any day.

“That’s what happens when you get smarter. You like IPA’s”

Julia and Lisa – 2 boobs

Raspberry Espresso – This was a combination of their raspberry beer and also their expresso stout (hence, the name.) We were really excited about it, because who doesn’t love weird beer combinations? Unfortunately, the raspberry gets overpowered COMPLETLTY by the Espresso flavor.

Key takeaway from this beer:  A brewery should try to refrain from combining two beers into one even if they are fantastic standalone beers.

Julia and Lisa – 1 boob

Honey Brown Ale – Nice. Smooth. Nutty and Brown.

Julia and Lisa – 3 boobs

Creamy Style Stout – This was a good beer. It was dark and smooth and just slipped down your throat. Unfortunately, I dislike beers that have the word “milk” or “cream” in their name. Something about the texture is unnerving.

Julia: “I don’t like stouts that are too smooth”.

Lisa: “Prepare to be terrified”

Julia – 2 boobs
Lisa – 4 boobs

Espresso Stout – Strong Black coffee taste. We still have out doubts that this was actually a beer or not. If we could start our mornings off with this beer, we would.

Julia – 3 and a side boob

Lisa – 4 boobs

Blueberry Blonde – This is like eating a blueberry muffin except better. Anything is better with alcohol, especially baked goods. But seriously, the blueberry flavor was robust and lingered. And not in a bad way.

Julia – 4 boobs

Lisa – 4 and a side boob

Billy’s Chilies – Taste like a green chili burrito however it smells like butter. Anyone that’s ever ventured outside of the 3 refrigerators at a liquor store that contain the staple beers has probably seen this beer and didn’t know it was from this brewery. It barely says the brewery name on the bottle, and doesn’t follow the branding scheme but it worth trying if you’re in a daring mood. We also don’t recommend a 6-pack of these unless you have 5 friends to share them with or you are truly a Mexican that is sustained by spicy chili products.

3 and a side boob (mostly for creativity) 

Imperial Porter – AMAZING. So much alcohol but tastes like chocolate ice cream. 10.5%

Dark bitter taste. Thick like you could make pudding out of it. And who doesn’t ❤ pudding?

Barelywine (Thunderstruck) – Sour, potent 9.5%

Julia – 2 boobs

The beer was named after an AC/DC song, so Lisa drank it in a rocker fashion.

Le Petit Saison – Stella glass. Everything we hate about hefferveisen beer.

1 MOOB 

Imperial IPA – Crown Jewel. Hoppy Man. Manly Strength. There should be a warning on this beer that it WILL dominate you.

Julia and Lisa – 4 boobs

Because we liked the Imperial IPA so much we wanted to have a represetative picture of the Hoppy Boy and the Hoppy Man.

Parking Your Porsche Diagonally = Not Getting Laid Tonight (DRY DOCK BREWING COMPANY, Aurora)

20 May

For those of you generally quit reading within the first paragraph and don’t ever make it to the description of the beer, this isn’t the post to do that on. If anything, stop reading now and skip to the descriptions.

For those of you that just go for the boob/beer pic, you’re lucky enough to get TWO shots this time,  so you might want to move on as well.

For the one reader we have remaining with the attention span longer than 47 seconds (who is probably either dating one of us or trying to) here’s the story with this brewery.

We visited Dry Dock Brewing Company after going to Crate and Barrel and picking out matching napkin holders. Actually it was Copper Kettle Brewing Company but the experience is pretty much the same. Needless to say, with no male tricked into driving us one of us had to drive (not me!) I was *forced* to drink almost all the beer so this brewery got a bit hazy for me and resulted in multiple instances of vomiting (You should pity her. Our nights generally end with me yelling “Drink! We don’t leave any beer behind!” She’s such a trooper. –Julia).

Most notably when driving up, this brewery had the douche of all douches at it.  A Porsche (not even a very good one) was parked diagonally across two spots so that no one could park by his car and it would remain scratchless. Naturally, since we’re assholes (especially when we’ve been drinking a bit), this display of douchery was not going to fly. (Should we have shown more empathy because the poor man probably had a small penis? Maybe. –Julia)

After first parking CORRECTLY in the spot next to him we decided it would be MUCH more fitting to follow his lead and ensure that Julia’s Honda Civic also did not get any door dings.

NO ONE TOUCH MY CAR!!

As we parked, then backed out to repark to ensure that we were no more than 6 inches away from his precious Porsche, we noticed a man that must have been The Douche get up and stand in the window to stare at us intently. His face quickly twisted with anger  when I hastily opened the door with no regard for what is certainly the only thing he has in his life worth anything.

If he hadn’t left before us I would have  force vomited right next to his car just for funsies. Instead, he left before us and Julia’s car was left alone. Making it look like she was either a terrible lady driver, or a TOTAL baller. (I hope that this made people question what was so special about my car that I felt the need to park sideways. –Julia)

What up bitches? That's right, this is a 1998 Honda!

After waiting at the bar for an unreasonable amount of time we were finally given two pieces of paper with a drawing of a paddle to write the names of the beers we wanted for our samplers. Illiterate people should steer clear of this brewery as you will leave defeated and thirsty. They give you the beer on a paddle with holes in it for the beers to fit in which is clever since the whole theme of the brewery is nautical related. Which led to me exclaiming by the end of the evening, “This brewery is wonderful! And makes me want to f*ck a sailor!”

Rowing my way to a table to sit at

They have glass windows so you can see into the whole brewing area and see what happened to be the unfortunate brewer that was there when we were.

What's that? More secret pictures? This time of men with unfortunate hairstyles?

Since they had a lot of beers we had to take breaks in between drinking.

BREAK #1

Vomit break so I could keep drinking the rest of the beers (She politely and calmly excuses herself too. –Julia)

BREAK #2

Vomit break with some champion rallying so I could finish all the beers

BREAK #3

Checking out the hot bald bartender and trying to take a pic of him since a hot bald man is VERY rare.

This sailor got a formal invite to swab my deck anytime

There were a lot of beers to try so we had two paddles.

Beer Descriptions!

Breakwater Pale Ale- Not as bitter as most pales.
J & L- 2 boobs

HMS Victory ESB – We were worried it would be terrible since ESB stands for Extra Shitty Beer. It starts out good, but then the end wasn’t great. Very malty.

3 boobs- still awful, but better than other ESBs

U Boat Hefeweisen- Waves of disgusting. It took everything that we hate about these types of beer (banana and cloves) and somehow enhanced it.

MOOB. In fact, this beer was the Porsche of Moobs.

Who likes the Germans, anyway? Except Matthew McConaghey. He’s hot and on a U-Boat.” (U571 reference)

Paragon Apricot Blonde – It smelled beautiful. The beer is light and delicious, and the apricot flavor tastes natural and overpowers your palate to just the right amount. As far as fruit beers goes this is a winner that even devout IPA drinkers (like myself) will admire.

4 AND A SIDE BOOBS

“I wish I knew what a paragon was. I want to have sex with it.”

HMS Old Ale – In general, we don’t like things that are old. That was just a phase. One that we realized wasn’t going to work out because either they tricked us into thinking they were fun but turned out to be 30 and boring, or that they wanted to have children and settle down and THAT certainly wasn’t going to happen. This beer tasted like raisins. Wrinkly old raisins.

2 boobs

Enterprise IPA- slightly hoppy. Not the best IPA, but nowhere near the worst.

3 boobs

Vanilla Porter- This beer BLEW OUR MINDS. It was like drinking vanilla extract. It was smooth and bursting with flavor.

4 AND A NIP SLIP

Double IPA – ??? We wrote nothing for this probably because we were both still speechless from the Orgasmic beer we had just had a small cat fight over who would get to finish it. (‘Why didn’t one of you just order that as another beer?’ you might be asking. I don’t know. Because. –Julia)

3 boobs

Belgian IPA- “I hate it. If I hadn’t just thrown up, I would have to now. It tastes like the swill of the Hefeweisen.”

MOOB

Pilsner- this is another beer that was just there. Don’t know if we’re just getting too used to specialty beers that we can’t tell when we come a cross a really good one anymore.

2 and a side

“It’s a pilsner. It’s a waste of time and water.”

Daywalker Ginger- This wins for the best name of a beer. It smelled like a spa (in a good way). It wasn’t bubbly and looked like juice. The ginger taste is strong. Good beer to swipe our Firk-card. At least we thought, until we realized that it wasn’t the Firkin Beer (It was a letdown that only sad virgins who don’t want to admit they’re virgins and pretend that oral counts as swiping their v-card then are found out and mocked know) .

4 boobs. This beer will need to go head to head with the Mountain Sun ginger beer.

We learned a valuable lesson about secret pictures at this brewery being that if the flash goes off, its no longer a secret picture. Especially when you’re sitting by the full length window and think it’s hilarious that there’s a guy smoking on a table while middle-aged women flock around him.

Standing on a table while smoking a cigarette does not make smoking any more attractive

A Lovely Evening Out Without Your 2.5 Children (Copper Kettle Brewery, Aurora)

4 May

After re-reading the blog and remembering how hilarious we were, mine and Lisa’s determination to drink was renewed, and we decided that it was time to come out of winter hibernation and hit a brewery. And seeing as a new brewery was opening down south, we thought that would be a good place to start.

Copper Kettle Brewery is  owned and operated by husband-and-wife team Kristen Kozik, the manager, and Jeremy Gobien, the brewer. They had been homebrewing for several years, with such a positive response to their beers that they decided to open their own brewery.

(For anyone that’s ever worked with their spouse I hope you realized that it is a horrible idea and bailed before you ended up single and/ or unemployed. Sadly for these two they didn’t, and now have to combine two of the what could be possibly the worst things in your life togeher: marriage and work. It could only be worse if they had their kids there too. –Lisa)

Located in an unsuspecting business park, we weren’t sure what to expect walking inside. In the past, it seems like most start-up breweries are more on the casual, bare bones side- meaning that there’s not much to see besides the basics of tables, chairs, a bar and taps. So we were pleasantly surprised at the décor of Copper Kettle. The space was fairly big, with lots of tables, and a very pretty copper bar that probably cost more than any one item in my entire house.

Behind the bar were shelves stocked with pint glasses and growlers, all with CK’s logo. The bartenders all had matching shirts which in NO WAY helped that EVERY person working had a twin! Doppelgangers galore! (We spent half the evening playing ‘Guess Which Ones are the Owners’ which was harder than it seems because everyone looked the same. –Lisa).

This phenomenon became more clear later when we later found out that rather than hire real bartenders they flew in all their siblings and siblings begrudged spouses, and moms that didn’t actually drink beer to work for them for the night. (Although it was really cute when Jeremy’s mom told us how excited she was, and how she used to try his beers he brewed in the garage.)

Overall, the place was impressive- in an “our golden retriever has a more golden coat coat than your golden retriever” kind of way. Clearly there was some serious cash and planning that went into opening the brewery, and so we had high expectations for the beer. (I mean c’mon, the brewer has a PhD. Nine years of schooling better make you be able to do something other than pay off student loans for the rest of your life. –Lisa)

The  beer selection was pretty expansive for a startup. There were six beers to try, and several more that would be available on tap the following weekend. We were disappointed that the Mexican Chocolate Stout wouldn’t be available until the 30th, but figured that it gave us a fantastic reason to come back.

It should also be mentioned that the beers came with place cards as if you were at a wedding. This also meant that they could easily be switched up (which they were) to trick you into thinking you were drinking a beer that you actually weren’t.

With the classy décor and wall decorations, this bar makes you feel like you just walked into someone’s living room who lives in the Westwoods/Ralston Valley area. You know, the type of people who have a sitting room AND a living room (or den, as they would call it, because that’s where the TV and unsightly children’s toys go).

Looking around, we felt out of place. In general, most of the time I feel like the type of person who wears nerdy glasses that are slightly askew and randomly has spaghetti, lettuce or some other sort of food in my hair. And that wasn’t the type of people there.

Everyone around us seemed to be in their late 20s-early 30s, and VERY suburban. These were clearly the type of people who had left their 2.5 children at their brand new, cookie-cutter house with a babysitter to enjoy a night out (and be home comfortably by 11).  These were the type of people who wouldn’t have an apartment, but instead a “loft” and enjoy art gallery openings and running.

"Your pearl necklace looks lovely with your beige sweater with a modest neckline"

This was a couple that was the quintessential patrons that night. Note the Columbia outerwear and their generic looks. As we took secret pictures, we created an elaborate backstory for them.

We decided their names were Dave and Sara, and that they had been married for about 5 years. He works in accounting, and she is a legal assistant. They own a dog-most likely a medium-sized mutt- that they got at an animal shelter. They recently moved to Aurora, because they want to start a family in the next year or so, and wanted a house for the kids to grow up in.

There were tours of the brewery, and by tours, we mean that people were lurking by the brewery door, and then the owner was kind of showing them around with a really excited look on his face.

We enviously looked through the glass as these people learned about the brewing process and ingredients

Kristin, one of the owners (but made clear on the website that she is second in command to her husband), stopped by and asked how the beers were. Instead of asking a bunch of witty and cool questions and telling her that we thought it was awesome that they opened such a nice brewery, we instead panicked and incoherently mumbled until she walked away (probably regretting opening a brewery because weirdos were attending her opening).

This was our reaction to the owner talking to us

Now, for the beers, which all had German names, which was delightful. Except for the Hefeweizen, because they are NEVER delightful.

Bavarian Hell’s Helles- This was a golden blonde lager, but we felt that the name was misleading. You would think that something with “hell” in the name would leave you feeling like you’d been punched by your beer. In this case, it was more of a casual lager.

“I’m giving it a four. And I don’t normally give blondes 4s.”

“That’s what she said.”

Lisa- 4 boobs

Julia- 3 boobs

Dusseldorf Altbier- This was a very bitter beer.

“Normally I would only give it 3 boobs, but because it has an unlau, I’m giving it a side.

2 and a side boob

Summer Ale- This ale was a light colored beer with an orange and coriander flavor. The best way to describe it is that it was a better tasting Blue Moon. Like a Blue Moon after you squeeze 2-3 oranges into it.

4 boobs

Copper Mezzina Ale- This beer was definitely interesting. We expected it to taste a little like sucking on a penny, which it didn’t at all. Instead, the aftertaste kept changing.

3 boobs

Saison Savoreaux- This is the beer that was the winner of the home brew contest. If that’s the case, I don’t even want to know what the other entries tasted like. This is their version of a hefeweisen, which meant that we hated it. It tasted like cloves and bananas and sweaty armpit, as was expected. We seriously don’t know why EVERY SINGLE BREWERY insists on making this type of beer.

“I don’t really know how to properly pronounce the name. But it doesn’t matter, because I won’t ever be ordering it again.”

1 boob

OTHER AWESOME THINGS TO NOTE:

  • Copper Kettle has a monthly brewer’s club. It’s simple- every time you buy a beer, you get a punch on a card, and then once you have enough punches you get your own glass, beer discounts, and invitations to exclusive events, like getting to try the beers early. This is the first time we’ve seen a small brewery do something like this and we thought it was a great idea.
  • One of the bartenders heard us making gagging noises as we drank the Saison, and he asked us what was wrong, then offered to get us a different beer if we didn’t like it.
  • Then he looked confused when we yelled at him and told him that we were going to finish it, even if it made us want to die.

Beer Ice Cream: A(n) (a)rousing success

15 Dec

Forget what you think you know about your favorite ice cream flavor because we made a better one. All beer purchases are now made with the underlying thought of if they could be made into an ice cream flavor.

Every time I mentioned to people that we would be making beer ice cream, they look horrified.

“You mean you’re pouring a beer and putting ice cream in it? That sounds gross.”
(On a side note, thats a beer float which does exist for people that are too lazy to make actually beer ice cream and is essentially the adult alternative of a rootbeer float for people that have vices that include desserts and alcohol).

Apparently, my friends are mentally slow (and hopefully don’t read the blog). “Why on earth would we do that?” I asked. “And why would I be making a big deal about it?”

In fact, Lisa and I were NOT planning on pouring beer on our ice cream and calling it a day. We were planning on making ice cream from scratch. So we recruited a friend with an ice cream maker and got to work looking for a recipes.

This proved harder than we expected, as there were very few to choose from, and they all seemed complicated or weird. Finally, we found a fairly simple one on AllRecipes.com and then we of course didn’t actually follow it and guessed on all the measurements.

We chose a Breckenridge Vanilla Porter and Young’s Double Chocolate Stout for our two attempts.

(These were second choice as we actually wanted the TundraBeary from Tommy Knockers for out beer ice cream but its apparently been discontinued from every beer shelf in the state. Seriously, if you buy us this beer from the brewery we’ll probably give you a personal boob picture or at least let you have one of them, beer that it. –Lisa)

We picked these because they were heavier beers, which we thought would be better and very flavorful.

The first thing we did was pour the cream into a pot and heat it until it started to boil slightly, without burning it to the bottom.

(Men wouldn’t have any idea what its like to clean the bottom of a pan that’s been burned so if you end up doing this leave it in the sink for your girlfriend to take care of! –Lisa)

Since a watch pot never boils, I thought cheering it on (or looking inquisitively at it) would help

A cheered-on pot never boils.

Next, Lisa added the sugar, and stirred as slowly as possible, until we yelled at her to pick it up a little.

Next, you’re supposed to add whatever other flavoring you have, like chocolate chips, or , in our case, nothing but beer.

Why does Lisa look horrified?

(I actually look horrified because I’m the only one that saw the hair in the cream which made a fun game later of “Who got the hair?” in their beer ice cream -Lisa).

Because John was wasting beer!

After you mix all of the ingredients, you should be left with something resembling warm, creamy chocolate milk.

Dark beers in cans have a ball in them so avoid dropping it in the ice cream and killing one of your friends with a surprise bite of ice cream that they choke on.

Then, you put the mix into the freezer until it cools.

Lisa started getting artsy with her photography by dropping to the floor to take this picture.

This is to show how you cool something. By putting it somewhere cold. We recommend using a freezer. Especially when you're impatient.

Once the mixture has cooled, place it in the ice cream maker which in our case looks like  trash can. Then, layer ice and salt rocks around the canister in the ice cream maker to make a very cold trash can.

You have to do it one at a time, for both the ice and salt, or it doesn't work.

*Note, all of this goes MUCH more smoothly if you convince someone to do most of it for you. To make this happen, seem relatively useless, or screw things up. Acceptable lines include “Wait, can you show me that again?” “THIS IS TOO HEAVY” “Pleeeaaassse will you just do it? or “If you do this for us we’ll show you our boobs””

I think we used a combination of persuasion and fuckups (and mostly boobs).

The Boobs supervised

Then, you wait for like 45 minutes for the ice cream to harden or solidfy or whatever you want to call it, but in all honesty who gets excited when things “soften”.

And then you end up with this!

Nice and hard...

We were initally a little concerned about what it would taste like, and I added sparkle sprinkles to distract from it, in case it was disgusting. It turns out it was unnecessary, because it was AMAZING.

We decided to call it Disco Beer Ice Cream, and John made an offhand comment about how John Travolta would enjoy it. After blank stares from Lisa and I, he feebly attempted to make a connection to Saturday Night Fever.  This however backfired and led to a 15 minute tangent about how the ice creams were going to Face-Off and that we hoped it created a Phenomenon.

Then we realized those were the only two Travolta movies we could name offhand, and looked awkward as we struggled to name any others.

Now, for the beer ice creams

John's comment: "This is great! Four boobs!

Vanilla Porter Ice Cream- This one had a frostier consistancy. The flavors of the porter were prominently on display, and there wasn’t much else there. It has a rich vanilla flavor, and the aftertaste from the ice cream is quite pleasant.

4 boobs

Chocolate Stout Ice Cream– There was somehow was twice as much of this, and it had a creamier and thicker composition. The flavors seemed to blend a little better, although both Lisa and John agreed that it tasted more like beer than the Porter ice cream.

4 boobs

RECIPE


DISCO BEER ICE CREAM (aka John Travolta Ice Cream)

  • 1 pint heavy cream
  • 1 (11.5 ounce) package bittersweet chocolate chips
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 6 pints stout beer (such as Guinness® but seriously you should get more creative with your beer choices)
    *Note*only one beer is actually used in the ice cream, the others are for drinking during prep
  • Sprinkles!!!
  • Directions

    1. Heat the heavy cream in a saucepan over medium-low heat until it begins to bubble. Remove from the heat and stir in the chocolate and sugar until melted. Slowly stir in the stout beer. Cover and refrigerate until completely cooled.
    2. Pour the chilled mixture into an ice cream maker and freeze according to manufacturer’s directions until it reaches “soft-serve” consistency. Transfer ice cream to a two-quart lidded plastic container; cover surface with plastic wrap and seal. For best results, ice cream should ripen in the freezer for at least 2 hours or overnight.

    ManBeer…for Metrosexuals (Bull and Bush, Denver)

    8 Dec

    Lisa and I decided we needed to go to a brewery with food, and since we’re quickly running out of Denver options (It’s going to be fun when we have to start taking weird road trips to places like Durango), decided to try out Bull and Bush.

    We had heard a lot of good things, so we were pretty excited. It’s a bar with a dirty name, so we figured it had to be awesome.

    (Aside from the dirty name this bar also features a logo that combines the Coppertone logo and mild child pornography. –Lisa)

    Those look like 2 little boys to me. Probably should be called Bull & Bull. This most definitely explains the "ManBeer".

    Yeah her bottoms are half down but she's not wearing a top at all!

    After inviting people, contemplating inviting people and then uninviting other people, it was just Lisa and me. Which Lisa tweeted about.

    Me_normal Limabo88: After contemplating inviting other ppl 2 accompany us to a #brewery tonite @jyugel & I decided a ladyhomosexual date was more our style.
     
    Again, my GPS felt the need to take us on a very roundabout path, through a suburban neighborhood. We finally reached the pub, which looked fun and delightful from the outside (and also like Hansel and Gretel might be inside), but kind of out of place in a very residential neighborhood. 

    It was self-seating, so we wandered until we found a table in the back where we were surrounded by several groups of middle-aged people who were excessively happy they were able to be out (which I enjoy because it makes me feel young and hip, even though most nights I’m home by 10).  

    The menu was vast and included everything from traditional pub food, to steaks to specialized burgers. Lisa and I decided to share a few appetizers, in true lady homosexual fashion, which was even more awkward to order, since we each also got a cup of french onion soup and everything we ordered involved cheese as a main ingredient. 

    We had so much delicious food, we thought it deserved a boob shot

    Unfortunately, the thing that was most memorable about this brewery was the AWFUL server we had. I waitressed for 5 years to get through school, so I know what it’s like. And what most servers will tell you is that we can be very understanding people, but I can also tell when people are just shitty at their job, and it makes me even angrier.

    Out of former server guilt and empathy, I’ll pretty much tip over 20% if you can remember to bring me my food. But something about this girl just made us want to hit her. It might have been her inability to do her job  AT ALL. This almost warranted a negative tip but since we’re both going to hell for a variety of other reason we didn’t think “not paying your beer tab” needed to be added to the list. 

    Waitress: “Do you know what you’d like to drink?

    Me: Well, we noticed there’s 7 beers, but the samplers come in threes. Could we do 2 samplers and get one other beer?

    Waitress: No.

    Me: Really? There is no way to do that? No way, that we could purchase one sampler for a dollar, or you could charge us for something and give us the extra beer?

    Waitress: No.

    Lisa: Okay, we’ll take these beers then and…

    (Waitress nods and walks off)

    Lisa: I was in the middle of a sentence, right? I clearly hadn’t finished talking, right?

    To make a long story short, it went downhill from there. Our beers were warm, we had to explain to her that instead of telling us what the beers were, she should set them on the sampler page, and I’m pretty sure she forgot about the second beer. 

    (I contemplated ordering the specialty cask beers on the menu but figured any deviation from the normal might result in no beers at all and I was thirsty. -Lisa)  

     At the end of the meal, our waitress told us we had her last pen. In true passive-aggressive form, I stole it.

    And cackled in the car about it. I SHOWED HER!!!

    As we sampled the beers, Lisa proudly whipped out her notebook and offered to take notes for the evening.

    "I have a notebook! I'm not going to use it, but I have one!"

    She actually writes upside down too, so that if you flip it, everything is correct.

    I offered to take over.

    We had to write holding our notebooks because there was no room on the table, with all the food we got

    After realizing we should probably start drinking our beer before we filled up on food, we got started. You’ll notice that one is in fact missing because you are NOT allowed to order beer samples in any interval other than 3.

    It took a while to get this shot, because we had to clear the table

    THE BEERS

    Happy Hop Pilsner- It tasted like a stronger Keystone Light. Which isn’t something anyone wants. Especially when it’s kind of warm. And it most certainly does not make anyone happy or like they want to hop when they drink it.

    “This is the worst.”

    Julia- 1 boob

    Lisa- 2 boobs

    Allgood Amber Ale- Ambers are something we struggle with sometimes. Most of them have a copper taste, like you’re sucking on a penny, which is something that neither of us enjoy. However, this one really was “all good”. No copper aftertaste, and just the right amount of bitterness.

    3 boobs

    Tower ESB- This was a gypsy beer. At first taste, it seemed okay. And then a few seconds after swallowing, the very very bitter aftertaste set it. We still have no idea what ESB stands for, and our suggestions aren’t funny enough to share. “Extremely Shitty Beer?” was the best one, so that should tell you something.

    “We don’t see these very often…which I’m glad about. Except that I forget that I hate them, so it’s always a terrible surprise.”

    2 boobs

    No Coast IPA- As IPA’s go, we like them to be bursting with flavor, and it’s what we expect. This one was weak. And not just weak, but bad weak, where all of the bad flavors seemed to be struggling to make themselves known on our delicate palates.

    “They should’ve just called it Gross IPA.”

    2 boobs

    ManBeer- This is supposed to be a citrusy, malty and hoppy beer. The flavors were more subtle than the other IPA, which we appreciated. However, it wasn’t what we would call a “man beer”.

    “They should’ve called it ‘MetrosexualBeer.’ That would have been more fitting.”

    3 boobs (but only because it’s still an IPA)

    Big Ben Brown AleNutty flavor. Decent, nondescript beer.

    3 boobs

    Julia: What are you doing?

    Lisa: I was cleansing my palate with sour cheese

    Stonehenge Stout- had a great smokey flavor mixed with carmel. Decent.

    3 boobs

     

     

    There’s a DAM lack of boobs in this post! (DILLON DAM BREWERY, Dillon)

    8 Sep
    This was a record setting weekend.
    • Record number of guest boobs (6)
    • Record number of breweries visited in a 24 hour span (3)
    • Record number of beers tasted in one day (probably around 100)
    • And, for being at the Dillon Dam Brewery at 11:30 on a Sunday morning, the record for the earliest time to start a brewery visit.

    I didn’t add that in to brag or to solidify the point that we do in fact have a serious obsession with beer because frankly that statement just makes us look like alcoholics. I really wanted to demonstrate with that point is both Julia and myself have an extreme dedication to this summer mission (we’ve both listed “dedication” as a personal strength on our resumes as a result of this).

    After a long day of hanging out with a menagerie of strangers we had just met, two breweries and bar hopping, it wasn’t surprising that most of the members of our party were exhausted the morning after. Except for Juli and I. Just after waking up, Julia almost immediately began navigating our way to the Dillon Dam Brewery. The convo in the room went something like this:

    Julia: “Ok looks like we’re only a few miles away from the brewery.”
    Megan, Mandy and Amber: “There’s NO way I’m drinking today.”
    Me: “I’m excited.”
    Julia: “Me too. Get ready, we’re leaving.”

    In general we try to stick to the “socially accepted” rule of no alcohol before noon aside from the occasional Bloody Mary or Mimosa but these were dire circumstances and we HAD to visit the brewery before we left. It was a really good thing we made time because this was one of the only breweries that we actually enjoyed EVERY beer.

    That’s right, no sour faces, pictures montages of looks of disgust after taking a drink and no beers left undrank (which frankly has actually only happened one other time. We aren’t wasteful people when it comes to alcohol).

    As Amber, Julia and I were sitting waiting for the beer to arrive, it was pointed out that I was still wearing my bracelet from the day before. Julia pointed out that it featured the DUI attorney’s number on it, just in case (we did have a LONG drive home).  We sat for about 30 minutes waiting for Mandy and Megan to show up (we were fairly certain that we had been stood up) which included several awkward conversations with our waiter, as we kept reassuring him  that we did need a table for six, and our friends would be there “any minute.”

    While waiting, Julia and Amber decided to forgo any sort of real substance and instead order massive desserts.

    Like this cobbler.

    And this brownie. And they didn't share.

    In stark contrast to Breckenridge brewery, our waiter was not only helpful but pleasant to be around. He only gave us 2 pitying looks about almost being stood up, and even offered for us to talk to the brewmaster. Instead our laziness led us to just take a picture of the brewing area where the brew master was probably at.

    This was the ONLY brewery that I contributed anything more than dressing appropriately for the boob/beer picture and drinking the beer – I took two pictures! (And you won’t see either of them, because she can’t find them. Thanks for trying, though. –Julia)

    Julia thought she should take a picture of me, taking pictures

    The brewery was delightful because most things are just referred to as Dam. You could get shirts, cups, mugs, hats and pretty much anything with a dam inappropriate remark on it.

    And now the beer, which as previously mentioned was VERY high ranking on our overall satisfaction of beers at breweries.

    Delightful. All delightful.

    Hefe weizen – This looks like a murky lake. Citrusy, like orange juice and beer . Only with a small armpit aftertaste.

    4 boobs because it’s the only hefeweizen we like but we still don’t REALLY like it.

    It merited its own picture, since we actually liked it.

    McLurhr’s Irish Stout – Has nitrogen in it which gives it good head. Much more alcoholic tasting than other stouts.

    4 boobs – pototent, powerful, flavorful

    Sweet George’s brown – Tastes like a stout but not as smooth. Tastes like candy.
    3 boobs

    Extra pale ale – Full – bodied, nice flavor afterwards

    Damn straight lager – Doesn’t taste like a lager. We finally found an Amber we like!

    Lisa – 3 Boobs

    Julia – 4 Boobs

    Damn Lyte – Lightest in color, calories and alcohol.
    “I already don’t like it because it’s light in alcohol.”

    Bitter. More so than other pales.

    Paradise Pilsner – Just kind of there. Not too notable.

    2 Boobs

    Wilderness Wheat: Hint of grassiness but still good.

    3 boobs

    There's a DAM lack of boobs in this post! (DILLON DAM BREWERY, Dillon)

    8 Sep
    This was a record setting weekend.
    • Record number of guest boobs (6)
    • Record number of breweries visited in a 24 hour span (3)
    • Record number of beers tasted in one day (probably around 100)
    • And, for being at the Dillon Dam Brewery at 11:30 on a Sunday morning, the record for the earliest time to start a brewery visit.

    I didn’t add that in to brag or to solidify the point that we do in fact have a serious obsession with beer because frankly that statement just makes us look like alcoholics. I really wanted to demonstrate with that point is both Julia and myself have an extreme dedication to this summer mission (we’ve both listed “dedication” as a personal strength on our resumes as a result of this).

    After a long day of hanging out with a menagerie of strangers we had just met, two breweries and bar hopping, it wasn’t surprising that most of the members of our party were exhausted the morning after. Except for Juli and I. Just after waking up, Julia almost immediately began navigating our way to the Dillon Dam Brewery. The convo in the room went something like this:

    Julia: “Ok looks like we’re only a few miles away from the brewery.”
    Megan, Mandy and Amber: “There’s NO way I’m drinking today.”
    Me: “I’m excited.”
    Julia: “Me too. Get ready, we’re leaving.”

    In general we try to stick to the “socially accepted” rule of no alcohol before noon aside from the occasional Bloody Mary or Mimosa but these were dire circumstances and we HAD to visit the brewery before we left. It was a really good thing we made time because this was one of the only breweries that we actually enjoyed EVERY beer.

    That’s right, no sour faces, pictures montages of looks of disgust after taking a drink and no beers left undrank (which frankly has actually only happened one other time. We aren’t wasteful people when it comes to alcohol).

    As Amber, Julia and I were sitting waiting for the beer to arrive, it was pointed out that I was still wearing my bracelet from the day before. Julia pointed out that it featured the DUI attorney’s number on it, just in case (we did have a LONG drive home).  We sat for about 30 minutes waiting for Mandy and Megan to show up (we were fairly certain that we had been stood up) which included several awkward conversations with our waiter, as we kept reassuring him  that we did need a table for six, and our friends would be there “any minute.”

    While waiting, Julia and Amber decided to forgo any sort of real substance and instead order massive desserts.

    Like this cobbler.

    And this brownie. And they didn't share.

    In stark contrast to Breckenridge brewery, our waiter was not only helpful but pleasant to be around. He only gave us 2 pitying looks about almost being stood up, and even offered for us to talk to the brewmaster. Instead our laziness led us to just take a picture of the brewing area where the brew master was probably at.

    This was the ONLY brewery that I contributed anything more than dressing appropriately for the boob/beer picture and drinking the beer – I took two pictures! (And you won’t see either of them, because she can’t find them. Thanks for trying, though. –Julia)

    Julia thought she should take a picture of me, taking pictures

    The brewery was delightful because most things are just referred to as Dam. You could get shirts, cups, mugs, hats and pretty much anything with a dam inappropriate remark on it.

    And now the beer, which as previously mentioned was VERY high ranking on our overall satisfaction of beers at breweries.

    Delightful. All delightful.

    Hefe weizen – This looks like a murky lake. Citrusy, like orange juice and beer . Only with a small armpit aftertaste.

    4 boobs because it’s the only hefeweizen we like but we still don’t REALLY like it.

    It merited its own picture, since we actually liked it.

    McLurhr’s Irish Stout – Has nitrogen in it which gives it good head. Much more alcoholic tasting than other stouts.

    4 boobs – pototent, powerful, flavorful

    Sweet George’s brown – Tastes like a stout but not as smooth. Tastes like candy.
    3 boobs

    Extra pale ale – Full – bodied, nice flavor afterwards

    Damn straight lager – Doesn’t taste like a lager. We finally found an Amber we like!

    Lisa – 3 Boobs

    Julia – 4 Boobs

    Damn Lyte – Lightest in color, calories and alcohol.
    “I already don’t like it because it’s light in alcohol.”

    Bitter. More so than other pales.

    Paradise Pilsner – Just kind of there. Not too notable.

    2 Boobs

    Wilderness Wheat: Hint of grassiness but still good.

    3 boobs

    What’s classier than putting stickers on your nipples? – Breckenridge Brewery (Breckenridge)

    1 Sep

    After a full day of mountain drinking we decided the best place to wind down would be none other than Breckenridge Brewery. We had heard a lot of good things about this brewery, especially their vanilla porter.

    First of all, we’d like to say thanks to our guest boobs of the weekend, Megan, Mandy and Amber for joining us on one of the best weekends ever.

    Now that's a handful

    Upon arrival we did what any group of five girls would do; casually wait by the bar and wait for someone to get us beer. It worked. After a very unpleasant dealing with the hostess, who was really rude (Although it probably didn’t help that Amber and Lisa said loudly while she was in earshot that she was a bitch. –Julia) and a considerable wait for a table, we were finally seated (Although we had beer, so it was fine).

    Our waiter was also pretty short-tempered

    He made the mistake of bringing us a single Breckenridge brewery sticker. A small argument ensued about who would get to have the sticker, before we decided it would be much easier to simply ask the waiter for more stickers and save ourselves from a five-woman deep catfight/brawl. When we asked, the waiter rolled his eyes, but at least he brought enough stickers for everyone.

    The following photo montage demonstrates what good use of these stickers we made.

    I don't know why no one thought of this as a promotional idea yet

    Miss Conservativve

    But really as inappropriate as it may SEEM to put brewery stickers on your nipples, what better FREE advertising could any establishment want? (And really, as drunk as we were, and how slutty we were dressed, someone was bound to have a nip slip, had we not MacGuyvered ourselves a solution –Julia) .

    As the men at the table that we didn’t know/had just met kept changing, it was difficult to keep track, and also really awkward when everyone left the table except for me, Amber, Julia and the man who was to be nicknamed Pasties.

    Amber realized that Pasties had a Dale’s Pale Ale can around his neck. She asked if she could have it. Being the nice person that she is, she offered to show him a surprise if he gave it to her.

    He said it depended on the surprise. So she flashed him.

    Not what he was expecting

    Then, we convinced him that he should put stickers on his nipples, too.

    And he agreed?...

    Us: 1 Breckenridge Hippies with nice teeth: 0

    Other highlights of the night included:

    • A rather intense conversation about the perfect nipple (quarter-sized apparently) and the number one reason for guys wanting to put them in their mouths (because “they’re cute”).
    • A secret handshake that was SO secret we forgot it moments after making(obviously to ensure no one else would find it out). All we can remember say is that it involved some sort of high-five and a boob grab of some sort. At this point in the night it’s tough to say whose boobs exactly we were grabbing but they most likely weren’t our own.
    • Our least transient guest of the night, New York also had this, among many other things to add to the conversation. “What do you call 5 Mexican’s drowning?” — “Good News?”

    We had our waiter tell us all of the beers on the sampler, then called him back to tell us again, and then finally made him draw a diagram so we could remember.  Based on said diagram, here’s the rundown of the beer ratings as we remember them.

    Vanilla Porter: Very Vanilly. Pretty much like ice cream mixed with beer. Fantastic.

    4 and a side boob (This beer is to go head to head with the other 4 ranked beers in the ultimate show down of beers to determine the true best 5 boob beer.)

    Agave: Tastes like a wheat beer. Smells like tequila.

    Julia: “If I wanted to drink tequila I would just drink tequila”

    Me: “I’m excited for it”

    3 Boobs

    Summer: Summery, like a dandelion.

    3 Boobs

    Avalanche: Initial thought on this beer? “I hope it tastes like a Duchene because he’s a hottie”
    Thoughts after drinking this beer? “If I was to lick a hockey player this is what it would taste like.”
    A little salty
    Julia – 3 boobs
    Lisa – 4 boobs

    Oatmeal Stout: Tastes the same as all other Oatmeal Stouts
    3 boobs

    Pale – Spicy Aftertaste.

    Julia – 2 Boobs

    Lisa –3 Boobs

    Buddha – Cloves and Bananas, as usual. Tastes remarkably like Sweaty Betty from Boulder Beer, which is cool, if you’re into that.

    2 Boobs

    IPA – Very Strong, very intense

    3 boobs

    After our waiter circled our table about a dozen times, hoping to get us to pay and leave, we finally headed out. We were walking down the street joking about how we could never show our faces in that brewery again after our debaucherous activities, when Amber realized that she left her camera, and that we needed to go back before our waiter discovered it at our table and threw it away based on the tip we left him.

    Julia, Amber and I headed back the brewery to retrieve the camera (which we did, with no help from the waiter who was a jerk about it) and realized that we needed a rally vomit if the night was going to continue. So we took a quick detour to the bathroom for a group bulimia session.

    Conversation in the bathroom:

    Julia: “C’mon Lisa, you can do it! I threw up twice already! Once you do, you’ll feel so much better!”

    Me: “I can’t…I tried like six times, but it’s not working…”

    This is friendship at its finest.

    Overall awards for this brewery:

    Least friendly

    Brewery visited most drunk

    Most number of vagabonds at our table

    Most number of people to vomit in one bathroom at a time

    Most creative use of stickers

    Sadly, this was from a classier time in the evening

    3 Simple Ways to Abort a Baby (BACKCOUNTRY BREWERY, Frisco)

    23 Aug

    If the title didn’t get your attention (and the attention of pro-life activists) then the pictures will. Our first brewery of the great Breckenridge brewery festival weekend with all three of our lovely guest boobs and the best view from any brewery we’ve visited BY far.

    This is why mountain drinking is great

    Thanks to guest boob Mandy, a former Summit County resident for telling us about this brewery, getting us to it and also for knowing Jason who very kindly got us a room to stay in for the night.

    Backcountry is tucked away in the mountains, and has the perfect combination of good beers and good food. They have a variety of custom pizzas which were amazing.

    No post is complete without a picture of the food we gorge ourselves on

    They don’t have very many beers here (5 regular, 2 seasonal) but look what they DO have!

    Pig growlers!

    After graciously handing over the only beer that came with a orange to Megan (it’s her only form of birth control) the topic turned to accident babies and we heard what anyone suspecting an unwanted pregnancy would want to hear.

    “Oh. no, its fine. I can take care of that for you.” –Mandy.

    Turns out Mandy’s in the (earplugs for all you conservatives out there) abortion business! We immediately began asking questions, as she explained the three spectacular ways to “take care of it”.

    1. Hot Tub – This is similar to what happens to a hard boiled egg but with less salt.

    2. Stairs – Not too creative but effective noneless.

    3. Get mugged – We probed quite a few times to figure out how this lead anything more than a loss of purse but the answer about how this could help with an unwanted pregnancy never really came out. (I think the point was that if  you’re pushed around enough, you lose the baby? –Julia)

    Our waiter, who was very nice, REFUSED to take off his sunglasses the entire meal, which made us feel as though we were being served by a spy. A spy whose code name is Chilly Willy.

    Amber yelled, "Thanks Chilly," when we left. He looked sad.

    Amber concluded that he probably has a small penis, and just tells people its cold out.

    (As a former server, I can only imagine what he did to earn that nickname. Especially for them to change his server name to that. –Julia)

    Now, for the beers…

    Look at the size of those...samplers

    Wheeler Wheat- Nice wheat aftertaste. Served with an orange. It was very light and refreshing.

    Julia- 4 boobs

    Lisa 3 boobs

    Telemark IPA- Light. In fact, it’s one IPA that we could drink a whole one. Usually IPA’s are a kick in the face. This was more of a light slap.

    4 boobs

    Peak One Porter- It smelled like nature, which odd for a porter. It also tasted like nature. Great beer for the outdoorsy types who like to incorporate that into their drinking.

    3 boobs

    Cask IPA- It did feel like a beer, and was very smooth for an unfiltered IPA.

    Julia- 3 boobs

    Lisa- 4 boobs

    Switchback Amber– This was a good amber. It didn’t leave the normal cottonmouth aftertaste that ambers do.

    3 boobs

    Julia: I don’t like ambers.

    Lisa (whispering to Amber): I think she’s talking about you.

    Amber, after learning that no one likes her

    Ptarmington Pilsner- This beer tasted like a rodent cage. You know, after you let it sit for awhile, and it’s filled with excrement and woodshavings. Picture that, but in beer form.

    Me: “This tastes like rodents. I guess that’s why they named it ptarmington.”

    Julia: “Ptarmingtons are birds.”

    Me: “Whatever.”

    1 boob

    And finally, the WORST BEER WE’VE EVER HAD. EVER. 1 OUT OF 5 OF US DIDN’T PLAN TO VOMIT AFTERWARDS.

    *Disclaimer- we loved loved loved this brewery. Except for this beer. This was the one bad thing about the place.

    IF THERE WAS A MOOB RATING, THIS BEER WOULD’VE EARNED IT. WE LEAVE YOU WITH THE FOLLOWING PICTURE MONTAGE, OF US PASSING THE SAMPLE AROUND TO TRY.

    Before...

    ...After

    Ve had a Vonderful Time! (Vell, as much as you can in Fort Collins) – Fort Collins Brewery, FOCO

    20 Aug

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    Preface to this post is that we are very excited to visit the NEW location of the Fort Colllins Brewery and hope to make it up to their Grand Opening next weekend.

    After the hectic afternoon of trying to hustle our way into the New Belgium Brewery, then the constant heckling from the guide I had to endure and finally the hilarity of being mean to parents at breweries, we headed towards our next Fort Collins adventure.

    Bikes everywhere! You would've thought we were in Boulder, but with less civilization and more boring.

    After a brief stop at Odells, where we learned that tours last about 5 minutes (we missed it because we were five minutes late) we headed towards the elusive Fort Collins Brewery. It wasn’t until much later that we realized we were going to have to visit Fort Collins AGAIN to visit this Odell’s and the Anheuser factory. This statemtn alone is grounds enough to ruin the rest of our summer.

    This mystical brewery was never on our list. We didn’t even know it existed until about a month ago when I stumbled upon it on the 4th of July. I went to pick up beer for a BBQ at Total Beverage (one of the most magical liquor stores in the state, but that’s a completely different post) and while standing in front of the beer, was approached by some man, asking if I had tried the pomegranate wheat beer and if I’d like to sample some in the back.

    My friend and I assumed this was legit, and that he probably wasn’t going to rape and murder us in the back of the store, so we followed.

    (I’m really glad this was a legit back-room tasting that didn’t end in a double homicide because otherwise I would have to finish all the rest of these brewery visits on my own and there would be no one to document the trips with notes and pictures. – Lisa)

    The pom-wheat beer was from a small brewery in Fort Collins aptly named the Fort Collins Brewery. I excitedly called Lisa, and we added it to our Fort Collins agenda (because Fort Collins is only okay when you have a very specific purpose, plan and time of escape).

    We visited on one of the last days that FCB was located in a shanty, as they recently opened up a much larger facility. The tasting room was tiny, but the beer was pretty good.

    I'm excited to see the new facility

    At this point, we were pretty wasted, and there were no children around to harass, so our manpanions had to put up with our crap. (Since men and children are basically on the same level of maturity anyway this was essentially the same as harassing children but probably with less legal consequences).

    THINGS THE BOYS WERE HARASSED ABOUT

    1. Living in Virginia

    2. Having a beard

    3. Sweating (profusely)

    4. Why they don’t enjoy having secret picture montages taken of them

    5. Threats that if they keep offering opinions on beer, they’ll have to sit in the car

    5. The need to correct people when they may/may not be wrong

    Secret picture

    About 20 pictures later, when he realized I was taking secret pictures

    Lisa’s manpanion is a little more used to this type of drunken beratement from us, than my boyfriend is, so he knew to keep his mouth shut. My BF on the other hand, thought it would be a good idea to tell us that it’s not pronounced “Hefe-WEISAN” but instead “Hefe-VEISAN” which of course led to me and Lisa switching out our “w’s” for “v’s” for the rest of the afternoon (and thus, the title of this post.)

    The afternoon ended with a trip to Qdoba and the car ride home where everyone except Lisa’s manpanion fell asleep (which was good, because he was driving.)

    Lisa’s manpanion: “Everyone is asleep. You have to stay up and keep me company while I drive.”

    Lisa: “No. But you may put your hand on my knee as I sleep.”

    *Lisa passes out*

    Now, on to the beers.

    It's a rainbow of beer! (and boobs)

    You get two boob shots today, because we were both so slutty

    Chocolate Stout (or as I referred to it, Choco Stout. And if you personally know us, you probably know why I thought it was hilarious)- This was another solid beer. It was a little different that other stouts, as the chocolate flavor actually was distinguishable. Smooth, with a good aftertaste.

    Julia: 4 boobs

    Lisa: 3 boobs

    Hefeweizen- Not vonderful. Although, ve liked it more than ve do most hefeweizens. Filtered, and tastes like bananas and cloves.

    3 boobs

    Hellebock- It was okay, but kind of tasted liked baby food. (Interesting that baby food tastes “Okay” by our standards)

    2 boobs

    Colorado Common- This was called the “beer of the Earth.” Don’t know what that means? Us either. This is why we are only doing one brewery a day from now on, because our notes make no sense.

    3 boobs

    Kidd Lager– A very smoky beer, tasted like bacon. And as we all know, you can’t go wrong when something tastes like bacon.

    3 boobs

    Z Lager- beery and smoky. Tasted similar to the Kidd, except tasted more like beer and less like a BBQ woodfire grill.

    3 boobs

    1900 Amber Lager– This was the best comparable to Coors beer yet. Light, and delicious (for a Coors-like beer)

    3 boobs

    Major Tom- This is apparently the beer they’re known for. Pretty much just consisted of me singing, “Ground control to Major Tom…” then silence because that’s all I know.

    2 boobs

    Pomegranate Wheat– A sweet beer, although it didn’t taste like pomegranate at all. Like with yogurt, apparently this is a fruit that people throw around the name of, but don’t actually use in the food/drink.

    2 boobs (only because they lied)

    Retro Red- this beer was a looker and a taster. It was the best red so far.

    3 boobs

    Rocky Mountain IPA- This is an IPA that stays with you. “It’s still in my mouth. I think it’s filtrated into my saliva”

    Julia- 3 boobs

    Lisa- 4 boobs

    (I’m partial to anything with “Rocky Mountain” in the name and since this was an IPA it was marvelous – Lisa)

    And so we leave you with this picture of table groping.

    Get a room

    Lisa: “Can you two please stop groping each other under the table? The rest of us would like to keep our beer down.”

    Julia: “Well, that’s clearly the pot calling the kettle black here.”

    Lisa: “All I heard in that sentence was pot.”

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