Tag Archives: Great Divide

Why is the GPS Directing Us To A Dark Alley? (Great Divide Brewery)

29 Sep

We decided to go to Great Divide for two reasons- we needed somewhere close, and it was closer than Dry Dock in Aurora. My GPS had different ideas though, as it led us to a very sketchy part of Denver, with at least 3 U-turns and didn’t take us to the brewery at all. Or so we thought, until we learned that Great Divide is in a sketchier area. So sketchy you don’t have to bother paying the parking meter since your car will be stolen before you ever get a parking ticket.

We should've taken a drink every time we saw someone who looked like they might've stabbed us.

Even though it’s not in the nicest area, this is a great place to drink. They have an awesome selection of clothing, including hoodies, shirts and underwear).

You can gauge how worthy the guys you're with are by seeing how they react to your panties

While I was delighted, Lisa is still holding out for this shirt.

As a comment on the site said, "No wonder she's banned. Look at the way she's holding that beer! She's going to spill!"

Great Divide is a nice place to go drink at, thanks to the 4 free beer samples per person, which means that we didn’t have to pay for anything, except a tip to the bartender. They also have this sweet water keg, which I realized might be a glimpse into our futures.

Since we're old and don't have parties or friends anymore, what should we use this keg for? How about water?

Random other occurences from the night. We saw this man in short shorts.

The picture doesn't do it justice

We thought we saw an actual lady homosexual, and tried to take a secret picture, but we failed. (And by we, I mean Lisa’s latest manpanion failed.)

I made fun of Lisa for how she pronounces “bull” and “bowl” the exact same way, so you don’t know what she’s talking about, unless she gestures.

(You would think they she’d be able to figure out what I was saying by the context as we were taught to do in second grade. I don’t generally say “Hey, can I have a BULL of ice cream.” nor do I say “Where’s the BULL’s” as if she was keeping a herd of large furry animals in one of the cabinets in her kitchen.” – Lisa)


Bowl. Not BULL or vagina as it was pointed out that it looked like I was gesturing at.

There was a rando Yeti on the wall.

Seemed cooler when we were drunk.

One of the beers definitely looked like someone jizzed in the cup, which led to a discussion with the greatest revelation a man can ever learn-

Asking ladies for blow jobs (this includes the pushing her head down while you’re making out, and also outright asking) usually leads to no blow jobs, because we don’t like feeling like you’re forcing us to do it. Instead, men should turn it into some sort of challenge (ie. no woman has ever given me a good one, so I don’t expect much from you, etc) and you’ll probably get your happy ending.

Better in a cup than on your face, I always say

On to the beers.

Lisa and I began arguing about who had better cleavage(which was neither). So you get two boob shots, and the men around us got a show.

This was our conversation- "My boobs are bigger than yours, so I'll take the picture." "No they're not! I just have to pull my shirt down more!"

Wild Raspberry- This was a decent wheat beer. We’re always apprehensive about fruit beers because most of the time they’re crap. However, this one actually tasted like raspberry! (What a concept!). It was good, but we compare all fruit beers to Tommyknocker’s Tundrabeary, so this was like a lesser version.

“If it doesn’t taste like raspberry, I’m going to stab someone.” –Lisa

3 boobs

Claymore Scotch- This is a scotch ale named for some sword. First, it was kind of carmel-y, then it was smoky. Overall, pretty good, and a little different than most beers we’ve tried. It also doesn’t taste like butterscotch if that’s what you were wondering.

“Wait a minute! This doesn’t taste like a sword!…Or scotch!!” –Lisa

3 boobs

Yeti Imperial Stout- This beer was kind of gross, and I enjoy most stouts. It tasted like you would think an unshowered Yeti would taste.

2 boobs

Smoked Baltic Porter- This porter has a subtle smoky flavor, which enhances the drinking experience, instead of making you feel like you walked into a forest fire. The official description refers to it as “smoldering” which made us want to drink it because it sounds like a sexy beer. Fun fact? It’s supposed to be eaten with veal.

3 boobs

Rumblewood IPA- It was finally an IPA that didn’t make me regret drinking it. However, that was because it was really weak, and didn’t have the usual burst of flavor that an IPA leaves you with.

“It’s a lie that it’s an IPA”

Julia- 3 boobs

Lisa- 2 boobs

Hoss- metallic aftertaste.

“I hate it.”

2 boobs

Titan IPA- This one made up for their previous pathetic attempt at an IPA, as it was bursting with flavor.

Lisa- 4 boobs

Julia- 3 boobs

Samurai- This is an unfiltered ale. There wasn’t much to say, as it didn’t have any taste.

2 boobs



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